Pádraig Dunne
Founder, Author, Coach
I’ll first preference this with my deep sense of respect and love for my father. We are both very much introverted so more often than not in each other’s company, a lot gets said, while very little actually gets spoken. I observed my father very closely as I was growing up. So, by way of both my observation and his direct guidance, he taught me more things than he even recognizes. Because of watching him I now have a solid work ethic, carrying myself with a frame of duty, responsibility and strength that others draw from. Family-orientation, loyalty, devotion… commitment; All that good, timeless, necessary, masculine and purposeful stuff! All of these were indirectly learned traits and qualities from my father’s daily demonstration of character and personality. Now, he also taught me many other things directly, for example: he taught me how to ride a bike, how to fight and stand up against bullies, how to reset my bike chain or fix my first car’s flat tyre or break pads, etc.
Many of the lessons I’ve learned, whether by direct guidance or indirect observation have certainly served me in laying a foundation upon which I could develop and become a more established man in my own rite. However, by the same token, other impartations such as “it’s okay to cry, but never in public” for example, while very much well-indented, were misguided and obviously caused some issues as I grew and built upon those.
Herein lies my point, we can only pass on and lead in, what we ourselves have received and learned. We are all fallen men in a fallen world and for better or worse, we are each doing the best we can regarding the things we know to do.
Growing up in a small fishing village on the North East Coast of Ireland, where everybody knew everybody, while close-knit and familiar, it brought with it its own challenges. I would hear how I was the exact carbon copy of my father, “you’re your father’s very own doppelganger”. And as regularly as I would hear the tales of how wild and unruly he was before my mother came into the picture and gave him a reason and purpose to become dutiful and responsible (marriage, mortgage children). My father was and still is very much a mans-man, he was tough, unphased, quick with his fists and with a reputation that was revered as formidable. As often as I heard these tales of this man before my time, I would report those stories back to him inquisitively, and of course, naturally, he denied them.
Now! I placed all of the above on the table to provide brief, introductory context: As a young boy, through adolescence, then even into my early 20s, as one who hadn’t yet “discovered” himself and what he was made of, came into his own or certainly never had any real tangible, undeniable ceremonial initiation into manhood, I lived under my father’s shadow, constantly trying to prove myself as a man worthy of the nickname I had inherited, continuously failing to fulfil the perceptions of a tight-knit community, the anticipation of peers, the expectations of teachers… obviously all only leading me to then eventually rebelling and lashing out under the pressures of existential despair.
All of this is to say that it wasn’t until my mid to late 20s that I truly began the journey of self-discovery with active participation in my own life and outcome. The necessary position to begin the process of becoming a “man”, to feel like a “man”, knowing that I have what it takes to exist as a “man“ beyond the perception, anticipation, and expectations of others. …To affirm, lead and govern my own path!
I’m grateful to have been cognitive enough to crave meaning, identity and purpose so significantly that I would then dedicate myself to seeking it out no matter the cost of admission. I observe in the world many cases of adult males late into their 40s who still don’t “feel“ like a “man“, let alone know that they have what it takes to exist as MEN independent of external opinions regarding them. Since my walk with God from the age 23, I’ve had a burning desire to speak into the hearts of men, to call them higher, to call them out of passivity and into the fruitfulness, and dominion over all the earth whithersoever their feet may thread, that they have been not only granted but commanded to walk in.
I had to figure out who I was, I had to ceremonially accept myself into manhood, and I had to develop the skills necessary to walk with courage, integrity and value in a world where excellence is under attack. Earning our seat at the table is a personal journey infused with interpersonal bonds, it is a journey of self-discovery by way of trial by fire. This is the path set before every man, each to give an account of himself. Now I’m reaching out to my tribe of like-minded, dedicated men who live with intention and purpose. We are all fallen men in a fallen world and for better or worse, we are each doing the best we can regarding the things we know to do. …Nevertheless, we all have value to bring to the table!
The Iron Table
Ancient tribes, as with many remote tribes still to date, had or have ceremonial initiation rites of passage into manhood. Some involved abandoning the pre-adolescent boy out in the vastness of the overgrown, predatory forests and valleys of their location, leaving them to find their own way back to the tribe, enduring harsh conditions, hunting pray, fighting and being victorious from becoming prey themselves, and of course, then also navigating the emotional infliction, the psychological gauntlet that would’ve needed to be run by that young boy left alone in the rainforest to defend and self-preserve himself.
During the young man’s “becoming”, the mother would grieve the loss of her baby boy, knowing that whether he ever even returned to the tribe or not, her baby boy would die alone on the mountain. Because, even if he did return, he returned a made man and was received as a warrior and fledged member of the tribe having earned his seat at the table of men in his tribe.
Of course, we are much more “civilized” now and would never tolerate such things done amongst us. Nevertheless, our need as men for such an “absolute” ceremony remains just as ingrained, yet just not as culturally visible to us now as then. We are a generation of lost boys seeking our father’s approval, and validation from our peers, women, mentors, leaders and superiors, not to mention now with the relatively new phenomenon of the World Wide Web, interconnecting everyone, everywhere, all of the time, our need for validation from people we don’t know, nor ever will know, nor where never even ever meant to know existed. Never have we been more connected to the world around us yet more disconnected from the world within us.
It is my personal conviction that the true markers of an established man are self-actualization, purpose, identity, and meaning, grounded in the spirit of that man. Character, ambition and competence developed in his soul, and then participation, contribution and legacy expressed outwardly in service to both his world, and as many as would receive from him.
Theology, psychology, philosophy and physiology are the arenas in which we prove and demonstrate that we have in truth earned our seat at the table. By way of sharpening iron with iron, The Iron Table is the platform by which this tribe of men move in service towards building and establishing themselves and their peers in navigating their own individual gauntlet of life, that each man may be initiated, approved and vindicated by both his Maker and he himself alone.
The Accountability Accelerator
I learned very quickly in life that living my life on somebody else’s schedule and expectations made me coil and shriek. A closed space couldn’t make me feel this intensely claustrophobic. I learned much slower than that, however, that while somebody else’s parameters on my life wasn’t what I wanted, it was unfortunately what I needed.
One of my personal most treasured commodities is autonomy. Freedom to choose, to live, to be, to exist on my own terms. Having an employer, partner or authority tell me where and when to be, when I can have lunch and how long I can have, tangibly sucked the soul right out of my body. So, I chose the entrepreneurial path. Yup! I didn’t want to work a 9-5… so now I work 24/7!!!
The issue with highly, ambitiously creative people is that, while we despise being told what to do, we are often the ones who need it most. Without deadlines or external expectations, I was regularly far too lenient with myself, and after a lifetime of being the sounding board for friends, family and unwarranted strangers, I can objectively say, that most people are too lenient with themselves also. If the shoe fits…lace that baby up and wear it, you know who you are.
I’m a night owl by nature; 3 a.m. could sail past without me even noticing. However, seen as this economic structure was not built to suit me or my kin-folk, I have become an early bird by nurture. In spite of every good and noble intention, time and time again I went to bed too late and slept right through my 6 a.m. alarm clock. Except on mornings when I was expected to be on a job site in the city centre by 8 a.m. If I was expected to be up at 6 a.m. I was up at 6am. However, if I wanted myself to be up at 6 a.m… I wasn’t.
A funny thing happened: I signed up for a local gym’s classes, and all those un-wavered good and noble intentions perked up right on cue, so, I signed up for the early morning circuit sessions. Each evening I had to book the next morning’s class via the app. At 6:30 every morning, I was the only participant which meant the PT, each morning had to set out the kettlebells, dumbbells, etc. for me alone. And sure enough unable to hide in the crowd or make excuses, I was up at 6 a.m and out the door by 6.15 every morning.
The funny thing that happened was that I unintentionally discovered that outsourcing the burden of expectation to someone else, meant that my drive and compel not to disappoint or waste somebody else time, was present, but so was my sense of autonomy and control. It was accountability and expectation, on my terms.
This powerful new insight increased my productivity by 10x. To the point that my input was sought out by those in my circle who saw the notable difference. And whalla! A need, a solution and a gap in the market! I structured the process, refined it, added my expertise and very soon, The Accountability Accelerator was born.